Having a crush/developing feelings for someone else while you’re already in a relationship can be pretty tricky.
It stirs up a whirlwind of emotions in you like for example the feeling of guilt, confusion, and maybe even some self doubt.
You might find yourself wondering if your current relationship is healthy and whether these feelings for your new crush are just temporary or meaningful.
It’s a feeling that can leave you feeling torn inside, as you grapple with questions about your loyalty to your girlfriend versus the curiosity and excitement brought by this new person.
Sounds familiar???
Is it normal to have a crush on someone while being in a relationship?
Of course, it’s perfectly normal to find yourself crushing on someone while you’re already in a relationship because human emotions are complex and unpredictable.
Human attraction can develop for various reasons like for example shared interests, or chemistry, or even just the thrill of meeting new people.
Crushes are also like a burst of excitement that just makes you feel, you know, more alive and attractive. You know as a guy, it’s nice to know that you’ve still got that charm, especially when the honeymoon phase of your current relationship is long gone.
The butterflies in your stomach, the heart racing at the mere thought of a crush, it all adds a little extra spark to your everyday life, reminding you that you’ve still got that special something, even when things are feeling a bit ordinary.
How to deal with crushes when in a relationship
If you’re in this tricky spot of having a crush while in a committed relationship and you’re lost on what to do, don’t worry, you’re not alone.
In this section, we’ll be exploring how to deal with those feelings and come out of the experience with an even more stronger and resilient relationship, of course with your current girlfriend.
So let’s dive right in…..
1. Access yourself
When you find yourself developing feelings for someone else while in a committed relationship, the first thing to do is to carefully take a closer look at yourself to find out why you might be having those feelings in the first place.
Start by engaging in self reflection and introspection, perhaps it might be a sign of unmet needs and dissatisfaction you might be feeling within your current relationship, or it can even be triggered by completely unrelated things like for example stress or life changes.
A simple way to do this is to have a journal and write down your thoughts and feelings to gain clarity. Ask yourself questions about what specifically draws you to this person and correlate it to what aspect of your current relationship is currently lacking.
2. Foster those feelings.
You might be scratching your head thinking whether I’m nuts for even thinking of suggesting fostering those feelings for your crush even though you have a girlfriend already, but hear me out first on why i think it’s a good idea.
Fostering those feelings is a good idea because it helps you understand where those feelings might be coming from so you can have a better view on how to tackle the situation, but if you completely ignore these feelings, it can result in emotional suppression, which my lead to them resurfacing in the future, and that would potentially impact the stability of your current relationship, negatively.
3. Don’t Fantasize being with your crush
After accessing yourself and figuring out where those feelings for your crush might be coming from, it’s a good idea not to let your mind wander in fantasies about being with your new crush.
You see, indulging in this fantasies about how good you two might look together or how wonderful of a girlfriend she might be can set up unrealistic expectations in your mind and could lead to you feeling dissatisfied in your current relationship.
If you find yourself in the brink of doing that, try channeling that energy into strengthening your bond with your current girlfriend by focusing on the things that initially brought you two together in the first place, and also engaging in activities that nurtures connection like having heartfelt conversations and creating more loving experiences together.
By doing so, you would maintain a more healthier and satisfying relationship, making sure that these unrealistic fantasies doesn’t overshadow that great thing going on with your current girlfriend.
4. Don’t Flirt with your crush
Now, once you’ve recognized and understood your feelings and you’ve had great success refraining from fantasizing about a potential future with your crush, don’t waste all your effort by going back and engaging in flirtatious behavior with her.
5. Don’t connect with your crush on social media
Avoiding connecting with your crush online is a good idea when trying do away with those feelings. You might be thinking just because you both aren’t connecting physically, it doesn’t mean anything if you interact online, but let me tell you brother, it means everything.
It might seem innocent, but a single DM from you can change the course of both relationships. One thing would lead to another and before you know it, you’re already cheating on your girlfriend.
If you were both friends before you developed feelings for her, I’m not saying you should stop being friends with her entirely, just try to distance yourself from her both physically and in the online space to avoid any mishaps that might occur and might potentially ruin your relationship.
6. Tell your crush you’re in a relationship.
If it so happens that your crush also harbors feelings for you or she was even the one that made you developed feelings for her in the first place (you’d surely know if she is the one), you have to tell her clearly that you’re in a committed relationship and you’re committed to maintaining it’s integrity.
You can do this by having an open and honest talk with her, let her know you love your girlfriend so much have no intentions at all of cheating on your girlfriend with her or anyone for that matter. [Read – 12 Fun Activities to Build Trust with a Suspicious Girlfriend]
7. Look at the bright side
One thing I’ve found out is that discovering a crush for someone new while being in a committed relationship can surprisingly push you to become not only a better individual but also a better boyfriend. It’s like a wake up call for you to fully improve yourself in all aspects for better.
You’d notice that you’d start looking at yourself more critically and identifying areas where we can touch to improve us to become the best version of ourselves.
And suddenly, you’d also notice that there’s going to be a renewed effort from you to strengthen the connection with your girlfriend driven by the goal of creating a more fulfilling and resilient relationship.
You’ll find out that you’d start appreciating her and all the love and care she’s shown you, and you wouldn’t want to break her heart.
You’d start surprising her with gifts more often and texting her to always be informed about how her day is going. At this moment, your guilty conscience starts to kick in.
8. It’s temporary, let it wear off
If you find yourself in this situation, it’s important to realize that these feelings are temporary and usually not a big deal.
One of the best thing to do in this situation is to let these feelings naturally fade away without making a big fuss about them. Don’t try to suppress them also; just acknowledge that they’re there.
And also, put in mind that this unwanted feelings doesn’t define the strength of your relationship, and instead of freaking out about it, see it as a passing phase that happens to many of us during long term commitments.
9. Worst case scenario, set them up with a friend
In the worse case scenario, if you find yourself struggling to overcome feelings for your new crush, one of the best thing to do is to set her up with any good friend of yours.
I know it sounds a bit out there, but actively connecting your crush with a friend can be a practical way to distance yourself emotionally from her.
For instance, you can organize a casual get together or invite them both to a party you’re co hosting, and introduce them to each other during the party so they can get to connect with each other, but make absolutely sure that they’re both compatible to each other before proceeding with this.
By taking this proactive step, you not only help your friend(s) potentially find a meaningful relationship, but also actively distance yourself emotionally from your crush. [Read – How To Stay Friends With a Lady And Avoid Falling In Love With Her]
10. Tell your girlfriend?
Now this is a tricky one.
Deciding whether to spill the beans about having a crush to your girlfriend is all about fully knowing your relationship and partner.
If you think she’d understand the situation and won’t freak out, sharing might strengthen your bond. But, if there’s a risk of messing things up and you’re pretty sure it’s just a passing crush, it’s probably best to keep it to yourself.
In my personal experience, I once made the mistake of tell my girlfriend (now my ex) about a crush that i had on someone without carefully considering how she might digest the news.
I thought i was just being a honest boyfriend by telling her the truth, but my revelation turned out to be a trust breaker, even though i promised and swore that it was just a temporary thing, but alas, the damage was already done.
She found it hard to trust me again, which eventually lead to unnecessary strain in our relationship.
This taught me that sometimes it’s better to think twice before sharing certain information with your girlfriend, because trust, once broken, isn’t easy to fix.
Thread this specific path with caution!
11. Remember Karma
When it comes to dealing with crushes in relationships, don’t forget there’s a thing called KARMA.
Take a moment to think about this; what if it was your girlfriend crushing on someone else? How would you want her to handle it? Probably with honesty, understanding, and respect for your relationship right?!
Right?!
By putting yourself in your girlfriends shoes, it prompts you to approach this situation with the same honesty and transparency you would expect from her.
Why do I feel guilty about having a crush while in a relationship?
Feeling guilty when you develop a crush on someone else while in a committed relationship is a common emotional reaction you face especially when you’re a committed partner because we often place place our partners as the primary of our emotional connection and when a crush on someone outside emerges, it can lead to feelings of disloyalty and as if our attention for our partner is shifting away, thereby triggering guilt.
It makes us start questioning ourselves whether we’re committed and raises concerns about emotional infidelity.
Is it cheating to have a crush on someone else while in a relationship?
You might be beating yourself inside convinced that you’ve just cheated on your partner just because you have a crush on someone else, but let me tell you, having a crush on someone else while in a relationship is not definitely not cheating at all.
It’s crucial to distinguish between having a crush and cheating in a relationship.
Having a crush simply means you developing feelings or just a mere attraction towards someone else outside your relationship, and that alone isn’t enough to correlate any physical or emotional infidelity, not at all.
Even when you’re the most committed partner in the entire universe, it’s natural for us to come across certain people that catches our eyes and we might admire, and these feelings don’t constitute cheating.
Feeling like you’ve just cheated on your partner when you have a crush on someone is a general misconception everywhere, but it’s important to understand that cheating involves breaking trust, like engaging in intimate connection with someone else without partner knowledge and funnily, consent.
If you find yourself having a crush on someone and you’re 100% committed to your partner and you also maintain boundaries by not acting on your feelings and you decide to keep it a secret (or oust yourself), you’re not cheating at all.
Should you tell your partner that you have a crush on someone else when you’re in a relationship?
Many people find themselves asking this question of whether it’s wise to tell your partner that they might have feelings for someone else, it’s a tough decision to make, but actually the answer lies in front of you.
When you want to have this type on conversation with your partner, you should consider their emotional maturity and readiness for this conversation.
Sometimes, sharing this type of information with your partner can lead to having a deeper understanding and would even strengthening the connection between you both as a couple.
But on the flip side of things, not telling your partner may be the best and only choice to go with when you believe the feelings is just temporary and doesn’t poses any threat to your relationship.
In the end, whether to share or not depends on the dynamics of your relationship, and the level of trust between you and your partner.
