“Let’s do an experiment,” he thought to himself.
“I want an affair, and I’m a man. What if I pretended to be a woman to see what the competition is like??”
I (51 and attached) created a female profile on Ashley Madison.
My objectives were:
a) to see what my own profile looks like to female users and
b) to understand what women really have to deal with on AM (Ashley Madison)
c) and see what I was up against
I did not do this to catfish anyone. I haven’t responded to a single message other than to look at their profile and see exactly what kinds of pictures were in their private gallery that they sent without me asking.
About the Pretend Profile:
Profile pictures were created in MidJourney and blurred in AM. I gave it a fun, non-sexual username and a similar greeting. The “About Me” section is basically what I wanted in an affair partner. It actually could be unisex.
I also included these rules:
– Do not send pics of your junk
– Do not ask for pics of mine
– Be your true self, even if you use a different name
– Be a good human
Attached Female seeking Males
34 (Cancer)
5′ 4″ (163cm)
130 lbs (59kg)
Fit
Undecided
Caucasian (white)
What I Learned:
First, women around the world who just want more out of life, I’m sorry. While you definitely have the advantage in choosing an AP (affair partner), you also have so much shit to go through that finding him in that hellscape is nearly impossible.
Dick, dick, and more dick
Without asking, I have seen more dick than the YMCA locker room on senior swim class day.
Hundreds of messages
Even as I write this, messages continue to pour in from hopeful suitors. Most have the default “please check out my profile” message 2–3 times. Some give up after that, while others follow with a private key or request for mine. Remember, I did not respond to a single message.
Desperation trumps OPSEC (Operational security, aka how we cover up our shady shit)
I absolutely cannot believe how many full-face, unblurred public profile pics there are. This is terrible OPSEC for any gender. I actually recognized someone from my community. Not going to out him, but still!
Me, me, me
Profiles are generally self-centered. I’m so great. I fuck so good. I want this. Fuck your needs. Please, let me fuck your needs!
In both male and female profiles, I personally find it refreshing if a person just tells an interesting story about what they’re like and why they’re here (outside of the obvious). I actually want to know if I’ve got a shot before blowing through all my credits.
There are some good men looking for more out of life
I read every message. And some of them actually took the time to read and think about my profile. Some of them seemed like decent human beings who simply couldn’t find what they needed in their current situation. Maybe I empathize with them because I feel like that’s my status, so I’m biased.
Why decent men fall through the cracks
Either way, those guys are difficult to find. And this is why it’s difficult to get a reply from a woman you might really connect with. You might be perfect for each other, but even if you’re doing everything right, she could simply be overwhelmed by the vast quantity of dick and not see you.
I’m trying to be understanding about this, but admit I do get impatient in my search for a like-minded AP. And I pay for priority messages.
Final thoughts:
Some of you may not agree with my approach, and that’s ok. I questioned it myself. But, I didn’t see another way to really understand the landscape of AM from both perspectives. I had done research and read many, many posts from women on r/adultery, but until I experienced it for myself, I didn’t fully understand. I’m sure I still don’t.
I welcome your thoughts about your experience with Ashley Madison and whether this experiment was helpful to you.
…
Men, I know it’s a shit show to find a willing affair partner. The numbers are stacked against you in adultery land. A woman gets besieged with horny morons the moment she posts an ad. When I was looking, I got hundreds of replies.
Write something awesome (or pay me to do it for you).
Don’t moan, “I’m not getting any attention, there are soooo many men and no women at all, and it’s impossible to find anyone.”
Yeah, we know.
Look for a woman who is older. Maybe less “typically attractive.” You will likely have to compromise more when looking for a willing side piece. She will have all the power of choice. Not you.
That’s the reality of adultery.
Fucking out-of-network is infinitely harder than “typical” dating. It should make men appreciate having an affair partner when they find them. Usually, it doesn’t.
That’s unfortunate irony in all of this.
So, my takeaway is to be good to your lover once you find her.
