You’re out and about and you see an attractive woman. You’re single and you want to make a connection. You want to find out if she’s available, and if she would give you a shot. You wrack your brain trying to think of what to say, but you start doubting yourself with each passing second.
“What if she thinks I’m weird or creepy? What if I say the wrong thing? What if she thinks I’m bothering her? What if I scare her? What if she has a boyfriend? What if that boyfriend is right around the corner and tries to punch me for daring to talk to his girl?”
You spend less than a minute going through these anxious thoughts and miss your chance. She’s gone now and you’ll probably never see her again.
We’ve all been there. Approach anxiety traps a lot of men in a perpetual state of being single.
If you had the magical power of feeling no fear or anxiety when it came to approaching women, you know that you would have the chance to at least refine your approaches and actually get some women interested in you.
Some guys seem to be able to do this effortlessly. How?
Before I tell you the secrets on how to approach women without any fear or anxiety, let’s address an important question:
Do Women Even Want to be Approached?
The short answer is, if she is open to meeting someone new, then yes.
There will always be women who do not want to be approached in certain situations, and a very small percentage of women who do not want to be approached under any circumstances at all. However, a staggeringly vast majority of women who are attracted to men will go through times in their lives when they would want men to approach them.
Sometimes you will hear a woman saying that men should never approach women in public places at all because of the very real fear she felt when a guy who approached her was stalking her or being creepy in some way. As long as you have learned how to minimize the chance of you being perceived as a creep from the chapter in Never Lonely about creepiness, and as long as you are always considerate of her sense of safety, this does not apply to you.
If you see a woman you wish to approach, how can you tell if she wants to be approached or if she hates being approached?
You will never really know if there is potential for a special connection with someone until you make the first move and approach them. You will need to find out if she is receptive to your approach by actually approaching her. Just exit the situation respectfully if she shows discomfort.
Overcoming the Fear/Anxiety
There are many tips and tricks you can follow to minimize or eliminate your approach anxiety. They range from chewing gum while you approach, to self-hypnosis, to systematic desensitization therapy methods. I’ve tried it all.
The most effective method I’ve found, though, is to build what’s called social momentum.
When you see an opportunity to have a social interaction, there is a little voice in the back of your head telling you a bunch of reasons to avoid that interaction. However, there’s another little voice telling you to be impulsive, and to have some sort of social exchange.
Every time you choose to listen to that latter impulse, you start building social momentum. And, the more social momentum you build, the easier it will be to automatically start talking to anyone and everyone without hesitation.
So, if you’re on your way to a place where you want to meet women such as a bar, start building social momentum on the way there. Smile and say hello to a few passersby while walking past them. High-five random strangers who seem to be having fun. Give compliments to people wearing things you think are cool. And, continue doing this even after you get to the bar and don’t stop.
Once you’ve got this momentum going, you’re often going to find yourself in situations where you’ve started talking to someone before you even realized that you’re attracted to her.
What to Say
Hopefully you’ve realized by now that the social momentum approach makes it unnecessary for you to prepare pickup lines or any other sort of canned approaches. It’s a method that takes you out of your head and has you blurting out whatever you feel in the moment.
The best thing to say to women when approaching them is literally whatever comes to your mind in the moment. It could be a compliment or it could just be a “Hello, my name is (your name).” Trying to plan ahead too much will make you overthink and paralyze yourself.
Practice this method of building social momentum and just blurting out whatever you think of in the moment. You might be terrible at it at first, and you might embarrass yourself a lot, but keep at it and you’ll eventually get to be as smooth as butter.
It’s worth the trouble.
In fact, it’s so worth the trouble that it will probably be the best decision you’ve ever made in your life. It will open so many doors for your social life and your love life that you’ll be kicking yourself for not having done this sooner.
Go out and do this. Thank me later.
