Weall have our beliefs. Some serve us, some don’t. Our life experiences often reinforce these self-limiting beliefs. A cycle of self-sabotage, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Limiting beliefs are assumptions you’ve decided are true. But they may not be true at all. They’re blocking you from giving and receiving love.
Our ego holds onto these beliefs making us think we’re protecting ourselves. But the reality is we’re living in fear.
When we have a belief we subconsciously look for evidence to support it, and that’s what keeps us stuck.
1. Good men are rare
Or they’re taken, gay, jerks or just suck.
What you consistently tell yourself becomes your belief, true or not. Be careful with how you talk to yourself.
A friend of mine has said men suck so many times that guess what? That’s what she gets: men who suck. Her belief based on her past experiences has conditioned her to see the bad in men and not the good.
Good men aren’t rare. They’re everywhere. You see what you believe is true. Everything else is invisible to you.
Start making a conscious effort to see the good things in men. All men you encounter, not just men in your potential dating pool. Pay attention. When you notice and show appreciation for the good qualities in a man, you can shift your belief.
Notice men who hold doors open for you when you’re 10 feet away. Notice how your friend’s husband does little things for her to make her life easier. Start looking for the good things men do and you’ll see them everywhere.
2. I may never find “The One”
Believing there’s only one person out there who you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with is one of the most limiting beliefs of all.
When you haven’t met the person you believe is your soulmate, yet you believe is out there, you’re in a waiting room. Or maybe you’ve met someone you feel is your soulmate but they aren’t on the same page. You‘re stuck in unrequited love.
We can fall in love more than once in our life time. It’s not a limited resource. The evidence to support the belief of limitless love is everywhere. Parents can love more than one child. People get married more than once or experience more than one long term relationship.
You’ve probably had many deep friendships in your life. Some that lasted, some that are now fond memories. How many times have you thought you found The One and it didn’t work out?
Yes, there may be one you meet and live happily ever after with. But is that belief serving you right now? Or are you lonely, sad and feeling unfulfilled because they aren’t here yet?
I’ve experienced a few “ones” in my life. The one to teach me something about myself at that time.
Instead of waiting for “The One”, enjoy where you are right now.
3. Men can’t be trusted
If you believe men can’t be trusted, you’ve probably been lied to or cheated on. Sure, there are some men out there for whom this is a norm. Most of us have or will experience this at least once in our lives, and it can be traumatic.
Here’s the key, though. When we experience a trauma we develop behaviors to survive, to self preserve. But when the trauma passes we choose to hold onto these patterns and adopt yet another belief that men can’t be trusted. A belief that doesn’t serve us.
The very behaviors and patterns we used to get through the grief stay and we repeat them with new partners, which leaves the new men in our life feeling unsafe.
Then it happens again and again. Your file of evidence to support this belief that men can’t be trusted grows.
The common denominator is you.
4. Find a Man Who Loves You More
The belief that you need to find a man who loves you more than you love him is one whose origins I’m not sure of. Probably one passed down from our great-great-grandmothers.
I know my Mom told me this more than once. I didn’t buy into this one at an early age. My Mom did this. She’s never been a very happy woman.
How does one even measure this? How would you control this? True love ebbs and flows and is void of a measuring stick, and can’t be controlled.
If you cling to the belief you’ll be happier if he loves you more, you’re deeply rooted in the need of security. I’d guess you also struggle with abandonment issues and expressing vulnerability.
As mentioned earlier, love is not a limited resource. It can’t be measured.
5. Men are afraid of commitment
They aren’t. They’re only afraid of committing to the wrong woman.
Men want to be loved just as much as women. They don’t love any less then us.
Show me a woman who’s had man after man fail to commit and I’ll show you a woman who’s most likely made that her life’s goal.
She looks at every man as a potential husband and pushes for commitment. She has an agenda and he feels it which actually pushes him away.
How many times have you seen a man spend years not fully committed to a woman only to break up and marry someone else right quick?
6. I have to be married by _____.
This limiting belief has been pounded into our brains and hearts by society, parents, peers, and the media forever. That biological clock we seem to feel ticking.
It comes from a fear of being alone. Fear blocks love from entering our life. When we live in this kind of fear, we operate with an agenda, and often out of desperation. Not attractive to men, or anyone else.
We feel if we aren’t coupled up and starting a family there’s something wrong with us and we aren’t good enough. We’re looking to outside circumstances and the opinion of others who share these beliefs to see ourselves as normal.
Other people, society, circumstances don’t define our normal. You define your normal and you can decide where you are right now is perfectly normal.
Many people believe marriage is the ultimate end goal, but what if it’s not? What if there’s more? What if there’s something else that’ll make your heart sing?
Go easy on yourself and don’t judge your life and where you are or aren’t based on what society deems normal.
7. No one compares to my ex
We’ve all believed this at some point in our lives. Usually, shortly after the breakup. But some people carry that torch for years. They can’t let go of the delusions of grandeur with their ex.
This is one of the most limiting beliefs. There are billions of people in this world. Is it even logical your ex is the best or only one for you?
Holding onto to someone who’s made the choice to let go closes your mind to possibilities. When your heart is wrapped around another, there’s no room for anyone else to enter.
The core of this belief/fear is uncertainty. You’re familiar and comfortable with your ex, or at least the idea of your ex, and stepping outside that comfort is scary. But that’s where the opportunity for self-growth lies. I learned and grew the most in times of heartbreak and pain.
When you stare at the closed door you don’t see all the other doors opening around you.
Always Choose Love
There’ll be pain at times when we choose love, but this pain can bring you to a higher level of consciousness. These self-limiting beliefs about love come from fear, and fear comes from the mind, from the ego.
Start questioning your beliefs about love. Do they really serve you?
When you have a negative thought or feeling about love look at what happened in your past to plant the seed of this belief.
Is it really true, or are the beliefs you hold just experiences from your past you’ve accepted as truth? When you believe something is true you subconsciously search for evidence to support it which embeds it deeper into your being and leads to self-sabotage.
You can change your beliefs. Start by believing you’re worthy of an amazing relationship with a fantastic guy and that you’re fabulous all on your own.
Believe you deserve all the happiness in the world, and it will start finding you. Promise.
