Kansas City Chiefs Quarterback Patrick Mahomes and Coach Andy Reid have won 3 Super Bowls together. After winning Super Bowl 58, Patrick gave heartfelt flowers to Coach Reid, “He’s the best coach for me, because he lets me be me.” Patrick didn’t have to be someone else or prove anything. He could just be himself. He had the generous space to invent the greater-than versions of himself. One of those versions was Super Bowl MVP (Most Valuable Player). Granting the freedom for someone to be themselves is profound mad love and respect.
In the bigger picture, Patrick Mahomes might become the next NFL GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) Quarterback. Right now, retired future NFL Hall of Famer Tom Brady is the GOAT. Tom too acknowledges that Patrick might replace him. Being the GOAT is not forever. That’s just life.
What Andy Reid is for Patrick Mahomes, the late Mizukami Sensei was for me. Sensei generated the space for me to be me. I had the freedom to be me, for the first time in my life. Growing up at home, whatever I did or didn’t do only made Dad so angry at me. I was Dad’s greatest disappointment in life. I was not good enough for Dad. I never would be. I would never be good enough for anyone, especially me.
I spent much of my adult life proving that I was smart enough, that I was strong enough, that I was good enough to be loved. That’s what I wanted and needed so desperately when I was 8 years old.
When I first began training with Mizukami Sensei almost 35 years ago, I had to prove that I was good enough. Sensei got it. He said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” I practiced Aikido technique over, and over, and over, and over again. Practice makes the unnatural natural. I worked on myself, not on others. I put my head down. Put in the work. I made it work. I made myself work, too.
In Aikido, Sensei said, “Wait it out. Enter the attack. Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.” That could be the 250-pound man punching to my face or life coming full force at me, I take a glancing blow for what’s meaningful to me. I don’t defend against the attack. If I defend, I can be defeated. I enter whatever attack and die with honor. I stand my ground.
Mizukami Sensei taught Ishibashi Sensei and me. Ishibashi Sensei said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido to release your fear.” I enter the attack, enter the danger, and let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more and more of my fear inside. I free myself. I let me be me.
I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. As Mizukami Sensei taught me, I enter my fear of Dad when I was 8 years old, my fear that I was not good enough. I take the glancing blows. As Ishibashi Sensei taught me, the safest place to be is under my fear, in the danger. I got that as bad as it was for me as little boy, Dad had it far worse from his Dad. He only did to me what his Dad had done to him. He didn’t know any better. He was afraid, too.
I forgave Dad for not knowing how to raise me, for being afraid inside, and for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough as a little boy to stand up to Dad and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. Just train.
I’m on the journey to fall madly and deeply in love with a woman, who will love me the same way back. At least in my experience, I’m not what women want. I get that. I’m 5’ 3”. I don’t look like Hugh Jackman or Keanu Reeves. I’m not handsome. I’m not exactly rich.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught me, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” I don’t have to prove anything or be someone else. I’m the best man I can be. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. Who knows? Lightning could strike. Let me be me. And let the chips fall where they may…
