What are the components of a great relationship?
For fun I asked GPT-4, and it listed the usual things like communication, trust, respect, etc.
But I meant something different. I wanted to capture the greatness, whereas these are more like the means. Or more accurately, they’re preconditions to avoid common problems. When was the last time you heard someone say, “My partner and I love to spend our free time clearly communicating how much we trust each other. It’s so fulfilling!”
So assuming the basics are there—you communicate just fine, have respect for each other, have no cause for distrust, etc… what’s a great relationship actually like?
Here’s a few things that come to mind, in no particular order. Would love to hear what you would add to the list, or change.
- You love doing life with each other — you are each other’s co-conspirators in this game of life.
- You have each other’s back when it really counts.
- The sex is better now than when you were new. And continues to get better.
- The relationship feels more valuable to you now than ever — when life is challenging, your partner is your most valuable asset, not an added burden.
- People who know you can feel how much you love each other.
- No regrets or second thoughts. You think, I really chose well, or, I really won the lottery with you.
- The relationship is flexible, adaptable, and continues to evolve as you evolve as people. You’ll likely spend the rest of your lives continuing to get to know each other.
- You laugh a lot.
- You can talk about anything. In fact, your partner is the one person who sees you and knows you better than anyone on the planet — the person you trust with all your deepest secrets.
- Your relationship can accommodate the full range of healthy emotions — sadness, anger, joy, fear, love, frustration — without leading to wreckage or lingering resentment.
- You don’t feel judged or criticized. You feel seen, understood, loved, and accepted.
- Friction and disagreements arise, but they’re the exception not the rule, and they get resolved.
- The relationship draws forth your best—it inspires you to strive to be your best you.
Anything you would add or change?
