Another lockdown. Stuck at home for at least 2 months, shopping delivered from the supermarket once a week, and that was it. This new pandemic was supposed to be more virulent and impactful than the last one and I had lost Bill at the beginning of the last one. He had caught the virus and had never recovered. Jack, our son, and me had also caught it, but it didn’t seem to impact us as much. We had been a little cavalier before, carried on as much as we could, went to the supermarket, put a mask on and shopped as we needed. That cost us and this time I was taking no chances. I had already lost Bill, no way was I going to lose Jack.
Jack’s University was doing all lectures via Zoom, and so he was able carry on his studies. Bill’s life insurance had paid off the mortgage and left me with a monthly pension, and so I didn’t need to work. I did a few volunteer days in charity shops, but they were all shut and so there was no need for me to leave the house. Jack and I locked in for the foreseeable.
Out house was at the end of a cul de sac, a four bedroom detached built at the end of the last century. We had a corner plot and so our back garden was much larger than the front and the trees and shrubs than lined it were mature now and gave us a good deal of privacy, which we liked. We spent a lot of time outside, we had a hot tub that we used almost daily, come rain or shine, and some good quality recliners on the patio. Jack liked to use the BBQ and we often ate out outside too. Life was good, but sad. I missed Bill.
Bill was my soul, and Jack my life. Bill was gone and I felt empty and really wondered what I would do when Jack fledged and left. I had a taste of it when he went to University, and it was only the volunteer work that kept me going.
It was a warm sunny day and Jack and I had spent the day in the garden and in and out of the hot tub. I was wearing a one piece, small but discrete, and Jack had on some Hawaii shorts, baggy, but at times I noticed they did seem a little tight.
“Enough Jack. I am going to get a shower to get rid of the Chlorine, then I’ll make us some tea.” I had enough sun and needed to cleanse. I had an ensuite shower, but I preferred the family bathroom with its rainfall shower and additional handheld. In my bedroom I stripped off the swimsuit, rinsed it in the ensuite, threw my robe on and went to the family bathroom. I hung my robe on the door and turned the water on, a warm heavy stream flooded down from the ceiling rose.
I just stood in the stream for a few minutes, letting the water cascade down on me, enjoying the feel of the water as it ran down my body, tickling as it went. I turned the dial to the handheld and ran it over me, I guess a little carelessly, because I managed to spray the water at just an angle that it hit my clitoris and sent a little jolt through me. ‘Wow’ I thought. I angled it again and the jolts became more intense and before I knew it an orgasm hit, and my knees buckled, and I almost fell. I put the handheld back on the clip and just stood there, dripping trying to come to terms with what had happened.
I hadn’t thought of sex since Bill passed, I just became numb to personal pleasures, and now my body had awoken and I was a little stunned. I squirted body wash onto my palm and rubbed it over me, my nipples had hardened and tingled as I soaped them my breath caught in my throat and I moved my hands down to the tops of my legs. My pubic hair was short, I hated how it looked and used to keep myself fully shaved when Bill was alive, the electric razor giving me a little buzz as it worked, arousing me, getting me ready for ‘Bill time’, but since his death I simply trimmed, I had no sexual desire, no need to ‘warm’ myself up for him.
My fingers ran across the outside of my sex, my labia naturally hairless were smooth to my touch and, as I slipped my fingers between them, I gasped at contact with my clitoris, my knees sagging again. ‘Crumbs’ I thought, ‘wow, it has been so long, and now we are in lockdown and I can’t even go out’.
I finished my shower and put my robe on and turned to the bathroom door to see it ajar. Chiding myself for not shutting it properly I looked across at Jack’s door to see it partially open. I stepped forward and peeped through the gap. Why did I do that? I had no idea, but to see my son laying on his bed masturbating was a shock. Oh shit, had he spied on me in the shower?
I headed back to my bedroom, my thoughts running wild through my head. I slipped my robe off and sat on my bed, I hadn’t even thought of a penis since Bill left, and then all of a sudden I was watching my son pleasure himself, moving his hand along his penis, fingers wrapped around him, his penis quite a bit longer than his hand. I was taken aback at the notice I had taken, wrong, surely, surely, I shouldn’t be interested in my son masturbating?
I realised my finger was running along my valley, circling my opening, my wetness a surprise and my finger slipped inside. I heard a gasp, it came from me, I had no idea I had been so vocal. I pressed my finger deeper inside me, my palm crushing my clitoris, my other hand behind me clutching at my pillow, and I cried out as an orgasm overwhelmed me and left me breathless and very wet between my legs.
What was wrong with me? As I had my finger inside me it had been Jack in my mind’s eye that had his finger in me, I was a proxy for my son, it had not been my husband that I had imagined. I was shocked. I was not supposed to think things like that about Jack, it was wrong and immoral and just impossible. Why? Why was I imagining my son doing sexual things to me? Was I such a pervert? My son would disown me if he ever knew, where would he go, we were in lockdown, It was just beyond my comprehension.
I stood and took a mental grip of myself. My door was ajar, in my haste to get away from Jack and his masturbating I guessed I hadn’t shut it properly. I went across and firmly shut the door, hearing Jack’s door click to as I stepped back. ‘Oh God I hope he didn’t hear me, or worse, see me’ I thought as I went into my ensuite to clean myself up.
Jack and I were quite liberal about our clothes at home, not exactly being naked, but not entirely covered up either. He was nineteen, had a girlfriend and I was pretty sure he knew his way round her body, and probably several more before her, and after Bill passed, sexual matters hadn’t even crossed my mind. He had probably seen plenty of flashes that I hadn’t realised I was giving. I liked to wear skirts and blouses and often didn’t bother with a bra at home, and I liked camisole style panties, I hated the snug tight briefs, I loved the feeling of the air flowing free as I moved. Jack usually just wore shorts and a Tee. Clothing wasn’t optional, but it wasn’t important, not at home.
At night I slept naked and I guessed Jack did too, it didn’t matter, neither of us were in the habit of frequenting each other’s room. That night I tossed and turned, my half-awake dreams of Bill and our sex interspersed with images of Jack’s penis, hardly able to tell where Bill ended and Jack started and my orgasm long and rolling as my body shuddered to the relief from my fingers. I was glad when morning came.
“I’m going stir crazy.” Jack said.
“It’s only been a few days baby,” I answered.
We were sitting at the table in the kitchen, he had finished his morning cereal and I was cradling a cup of coffee.
“I know, but it is going to go on for weeks and I am already so pissed off it is untrue.”
Jack is not one for swearing, well, not as far as I know, so I guessed he really was struggling. “You are allowed to go out locally for exercise, why don’t you go for a jog?”
“Oh God mum, I hate jogging.”
“I was just thinking it you went for a jog and found yourself at the woods, and Emily happened to find herself at the woods at the same time, well, you know, coincidences, if you know what I mean.”
He looked at me and a smile came over his face. He started thumbing his phone and then looked at me and then smiled when he got the ding of a text message.
“I am going for a jog mum,” he said as he exited the kitchen.
I cleared away, choosing to handwash crockery rather than use the dishwasher, it was just something else to do to help kill the time. I decided to change the beds whilst he was out, and whilst he was getting ready to go for his jog I started to strip my bed.
Yes, it sure was time. My dreams had definitely spilled into the bed and there was that unmistakable odour, the scent of a woman. Oops, my dreams were more erotic than I had when I was with Bill, and certainly hotter than anything I had dreamt since Bill passed. Yes, time to wash the sheet. I heard Jack shout good bye and the door slam behind him. Dropping my soiled sheet onto the landing I went into Jack’s room to tend to his.
‘Phew’ I thought it sure smells in here. I opened his window to let in some air and then pulled back his duvet. “Oh Jack” I said quietly as I looked at the stains on his sheet. I pulled his sheet off and it joined mine on the landing. Remaking his bed I left a box of tissues and a sock in the middle of his bed. I hoped he would take the hint otherwise I would be washing his sheet every day. As I stood and looked around his room I could hear sounds through the window.
Not the sounds of traffic or birds, the unmistakable sounds of sex. I stood nearer the window and turned my head trying to work out where it was coming from, and decided it must be Tim and Jane from next door. Oh well, at least they were getting some pleasure from lockdown. “Oh God, oh God, yes, yes, yes, aarghhhh” were the last things I heard as I headed down to put the washing on.
I was sat on the sun lounger reading a book, my legs crooked up for my book to rest on, when I heard Jack come back. He was home sooner than I had expected to be honest.
“I am in the garden baby,” I called.
He came out and sat on the lounger opposite me, looking a bit grumpy.
“Okay Baby?” I asked, “how was Emily?”
“We aren’t a thing anymore, she split with me.”
“Oh baby I am so sorry.” I knew he had been hoping for a bit of ‘personal relief’ and a split would have been the last thing on his mind.
“It seems it has been on her mind for a while, and with lockdown, it seemed the right time to just end it whilst we can’t actually go out.”
“Oh baby, and just when you had hoped for a little something more personal, oh baby, I am sorry.”
“Not to worry, that side of things was never that brilliant. I don’t know why, I mean she went out with Tony before me and he said she was, er,” he stumbled to a silence and looked a little embarrassed.
“She was a what baby?”
“Well, that she liked it a lot with him.”
This was getting way more personal than I was expecting, but I didn’t want to make a deal out of it and give Jack any hang ups. “Oh baby, and not with you? I mean you went with other girls before Emily didn’t you?”
“Yes mum, she said I hurt her.”
“Hurt her? Were you forceful Jack? Hurt her where?”
“You know mum, down there. She said I was too big. As we stood in the woods she said I could do it to myself if I liked and she would watch.”
Crumbs, well, that was unexpected. I mean, I had seen his penis and yes it was large, but not damagingly so. “Baby, you cannot be too large. Women are designed to be flexible, remember the baby coming out is so much bigger than any penis going in.”
“Well, she didn’t like it.” He was holding his phone and pressing the face, was he texting?
“I can’t believe I am going to ask you this, but here we go. When you had sex with Emily, you know, did you use foreplay, you know to arouse her, to get her ready or did you just try and shove it in?”
“Mum!” He looked aghast and at that point I realised he could see straight up my skirt and with my floaty pants he could probably see more than he should. I lowered my legs.
“You know what I mean Jack, it is important, you need to caress a girl, to kiss her, to stroke her gently, to use one finger, then two or perhaps three until she is ready.” My son is nineteen, I shouldn’t have to explain seduction to him.
He was quiet. “I am going in mum.”
“Okay. I have changed your bed. Please use what I have left on your quilt. You can close your window if you like, but it was a bit high in there.”
When he had left, I raised my legs again, rested my book on my thighs and started to read again, but I couldn’t concentrate on the words. I lay my head back and thought about Jack. His penis was a good size, but not anything that should cause problems, not that I had much more than a glance, or two, at it. He was perhaps a little bigger than Bill was, certainly he looked to be longer, but that should be no problem.
I looked up at the back of the house and could see that Jack had closed his bedroom window. I wondered if he had seen what I had left and if he was in the mood to use them. “Probably” I said to myself, “he is young and probably pretty much aroused all the time.”
I lay there my eyes half closed and I found myself imagining him masturbating using the sock I had left him. I had the visions in my mind of when I had seen him, his hand moving his shaft up and down as he pleasured himself. What did he think of when he was doing it? Emily? I presumed so.
My right hand had fallen to my side, and I realised that I was gently touching my labia through the folds of my Cami knickers, the light material flapping against me. What was I doing? Imagining my son masturbating whilst I touched myself? That was so wrong.
I pressed a little harder, my finger slipping between my labia into my valley, which felt both hot and very wet. A flick upwards of my finger and I was on my clitoris, the electric jolt causing my breath the catch in my throat, and I gasped. The pleasure that rolled through my body took me by surprise. I had a flash of Jack masturbating himself, his hand moving quickly and at that moment my finger pressed inside me.
Oh my, I was fingering myself to a memory of my son, my finger became my son’s penis and my body arched as he penetrated me, filling me, spilling inside me. I gasped loudly as my orgasm took over, my vagina clamping my finger, my nipples tingling and my bottom clenching.
“Oh god you shameless hussy” I gasped as my body relaxed after the most intense orgasm I had experienced in years. I pulled my finger to my face and sniffed, the aroma was pure sex and I licked it and then sucked it clean, the taste a memory of long ago.
‘What the hell are you thinking?’ I asked my self. Masturbating to images and thoughts of my son was just wrong in every way. I turned and sat up, I needed to go up and shower, a cool soaking shower to take away the aroma and memory of what had happened.
In my bedroom I quickly took my clothes off and grabbed my robe and headed to the family bathroom. I hung the robe on a door hook and got into the shower. I stood there under the torrent of water, my hands resting on the wall as the water cascaded off me, a river dropping from my crotch, looking for all it was worth as if I were peeing myself.
After I had cooled down enough I turned off the water and stepped out. I grabbed a towel and slowly patted myself dry, I didn’t trust myself to rub anywhere, everywhere felt like an erotic zone, it felt as if a switch had been flicked inside me, a switch that had been turned to off when I lost Bill, and now it was very definitely on.
The door swung easily as I grabbed my robe, I had obviously forgotten to click the door too when I hurried in to shower, oh well, Jack was in his room so no harm. As I stepped out onto the landing Jack was standing there.
“Oh hi Jack” I said, my robe held to by my arm rather than its belt, I hadn’t expected anyone to be there.
“That must be a good book you have mum” he said a smile on his face.
“What?” I asked, a little confused.
“Well, I just happened to look out of the bedroom window and could see that you were really enjoying it.”
Oh my God, had he seen me masturbating? My face felt hot and I was sure I was flushing. “Oh, yes, not bad.” What else could I say?
“Not bad? My God mum, I can’t wait to see you when you get a really good book.”
“Jack!” I almost shrieked. “Jack,” I took a deep breath and calmed myself,” Jack I don’t know what you mean.” Could I bluff myself out of this?
“Mum, I know I am only nineteen, but I know what it looks like when a woman touches herself and orgasms. As you would say to me, it is only natural, glad you enjoyed it, I wonder what you were dreaming of as you did it.”
I had nothing to add, “Jack there are somethings a son shouldn’t watch.” I turned and went into my bedroom firmly shutting the door behind me.
“You’ve watched me.” He called after me.
I sat on the bed my robe open, my heart racing and my face flushed with embarrassment. He must have seen me in his doorway as I watched him. I had only been there a moment, but he had seen me watching him. And now he had watched me, how long had he been watching? Had he seen all of it? Oh my God.
My phone dinged, a text. Distracted I picked the phone up and looked at the screen. It was a text from Jack. I pressed and opened the message. It said ‘this is my inspiration’ and there was a photo. An upskirt photo, I looked again more closely and I realised it was me. Me sitting on the lounger with my knees up and there, clear as day, hardly obscured by my Cami knickers, was my vagina, on full display.
Oh my God, when he had been messing with his phone earlier he must have been taking photo’s of me. I hadn’t given any thought to what he would have seen, and if I had, I would have imagined that my underwear would have covered me.
I didn’t know what to say even less what to think. And then there was his shouted ‘you have watched me’. Did he think I was encouraging him? Sending him secret messages? Messages to say that I wanted him to have sex with me? Did he? Oh my God.
There was another ding and another message came in. ‘Would you like some inspiration mum?’
Oh my God. I didn’t know what to do.
Ding.
I looked, it was a live stream. I pressed accept.
Jack must have propped his phone somewhere between his knees. The view was up toward his crotch, His penis standing up hard and erect, his testicles below, resting on the bed cover, wrinkled and crinkly, his grinning face just appearing before it disappeared as he lay down. His hand appeared and wrapped itself around his penis and he started moving. I could not stop watching. I knew I should. I knew I should just turn it off and delete it, I knew I should shout to him to stop. I didn’t do any of that. I watched.
“I think of you mum” I heard him say, “I imagine that you are doing this” and his hand started to move faster, the head of his penis disappearing into his fist and then reappearing, faster and faster. “Mum, yes mum, that’s it, squeeze it mum, yes, hold my balls mum, yes, you’re the best mum, I love to look at your fanny, it is so juicy and I want to fuck you mum, oh good yes mum, faster, harder.”
I think I stopped breathing, shocked at what I was watching and even more shocked at his words. He wanted to have sex with me? He was young, he could have young pretty girls not his old mum, twice his age, a mum who hadn’t even thought about sex for years until this past few days.
“Oh God mum I can feel it, I am about to cum, I want to come in your fanny, fill you up, my spunk squirting out, dripping down to your arse, I want to fuck your arse, oh God mum.” At that point he spurted. Oh there was such a lot. Bill just to spurt a lot, I had thought, but this was something else.
I could not stop watching as it arched out his penis, shooting high and some landing back down on his thigh, dripping and almost oozing. I heard Jack gasping, his orgasm obviously had been intense.
“Mum?”
“I left you a sock for that.” I said and ended the call. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I knew I should have stopped him. But I didn’t. I knew I should have been outraged at his behaviour, but I wasn’t. I just sat there, my robe over my shoulders, my vagina exposed and twitching. I squeezed my thighs together and felt a little electric rush. Oh my God. I was turned on by my son.
The door opened and Jack came in. He was naked, his penis still partially erect. “Mum?”
“That was wrong Jack” I managed, my voice more croaky than I would have liked. “You should save that kind of behaviour for your girlfriends.”
“Well I don’t have one do I? And I can’t get one because of this fucking lockdown.”
“That doesn’t mean you can behave like that to your mother. I am twice your age, saggy and I haven’t seen or thought of things like that since your father passed and nor have I wanted to. That was wrong Jack.”
“You watched me.”
“I was passing and your door was open, I glanced in, as soon as I saw what you were doing I moved away. I did not watch you.”
“You sat there with your fanny all exposed to me. You fingered yourself to orgasm in the garden and I have heard you in the shower.”
“I did not realise I was exposing myself to you, I thought my underwear kept me covered. I certainly did not expose myself on purpose, and I don’t know what you heard in the shower, I only wash.”
Jack walked closer until he stood right in front of me. His penis right in front of me, drops of sperm on the end. His erection was returning, and his penis began to point at me, large, hard and moist. Ready. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed, I fell back on the bed. My robe open, my breasts and sex fully exposed.
Jack leant forward, his arms resting on the bed, his torso lowering and his penis touched my sex. “I don’t believe you mum.” He pushed forward and my body betrayed my mind and opened up to him and my son penetrated me, he was inside me. He pushed hard and filled me, I felt him stretching my vagina, reaching my depth and widening me as much as I thought I could take.
He began to pull back, slowly to leave, my vagina slowly relaxing from the intrusion, but he pushed back in and then he began a steady rhythm. He filled me, completely, pushing the bottom of my vagina deeper inside my body, it felt like his was pulling my labia inside too. A he reached my depth his body pressed hard against my clitoris, squashing it against me, stimulating me in ways I had long forgotten.
I heard myself grunting as he had me, as he fucked me, hard and unrelenting, his movement increasing in speed, overwhelming my senses, I was unable to say anything or do anything, the pleasure was too much, I could not stop him, nor, I realised, did I want him to stop. I felt the large head of his penis as it moved inside me, I felt him slide past the scary remnants of my hymen, I felt the engorged veins of his shaft as they slid past the entrance of my vagina.
Harder he moved, his pubis crashing painfully onto me, my clitoris engorged and sore erupted and an orgasm rolled through my body. Sharp tickles, like electric shocks, shot from my groin to my nipples and my finger tips, I screamed as the pleasure overtook me.
Jack stopped and pulled out, standing back he grabbed me and flipped me over and pulled my robe up, fully exposing my backside. I felt as he nudged between the cheeks of my bottom and felt as he pressed his penis against me. Bill and I had done it that way a few times, but always slowly and with some oil. Jack just pressed and pressed until my sphincter relaxed and he pushed inside me.
It hurt and it hurt enough that I began to regain my senses and try to get my body back under control. Jack started fucking my backside, faster and harder, his balls swinging as he thrust, slapping against the edge of my vagina and any attempts at control were lost.
He filled me, he filled my bottom in a way Bill never had, it was here that I had a full realisation of just how big Jack was, how filling and how flexible my body was, able to take him as he used me for his needs. As he fucked I heard the slap slap sound of his stomach as it bounced off my bottom cheeks, and realised I was grunting in time to his thrusts. His stomach slapped, my mouth grunted. His fucking was causing my body to slide slightly on the bed, the sheet rubbing against my clitoris, stimulating and his balls crashing onto my vagina also tickled and aroused me.
His movements became slower yet deeper, not as frenetic but somehow harder and I heard him grunt as he thrust. He pulled back and pushed back in and grunted again. He had ejaculated, emptying his balls inside me. I felt his weight on the bed as he stood up, his penis slipping out of me, a farty slurp sound as it left, I could feel the air as it blew around inside my bottom, I knew I would be gaping until my sphincter recovered.
He turned me over again, once more I was on my back and as I looked down, I saw he was between my thighs. He kissed my clitoris and sucked it into his mouth, and then ran his tongue down the valley of my sex lapping at my entrance. I realised I was clutching the sheet between my fingers as he pleasured me. He licked and sucked my clitoris and I felt his fingers penetrate me. Two, perhaps three, fingers moved inside me, finger fucking me as his tongue worked my clitoris and I screamed. My back arched up off the bed, my whole body was rigid, in spasm as the biggest orgasm I could recall exploded in my body.
I was spent.
Jack stood. His face was glossy and shiny with my juices. I looked down, his penis now flaccid was wet and glossy too. I did not look at myself, I couldn’t. I didn’t dare say anything.
“That is what I dream off when I am wanking. You. Now you know.” He turned and left my bedroom. I stayed laying there, my legs splayed apart, my feet on the floor, my body sore and I was pretty sure leaking his fluids.
I did not know how to react. Sex with my son was wrong. I was pretty sure that I hadn’t instigated it in any way. I hadn’t said ‘no’, nor had I said ‘yes’. I had just let him use me. But, and here was a thing, that had been the most intense orgasm I had ever had. Did that mean that I had just had the best sex I had ever had?
I struggled to my feet and went into my ensuite, turning the shower on to needle and hot. My robe fell to the floor and I stepped in. I took the hand unit and sprayed up between my legs, washing my abused crotch, my sphincter not quite closed and I felt the hot water as it entered. I douched as best as I could and then, with the water off I just stood and dripped dry.
How could I continue? How could I face Jack? He had pretty much forced himself on me, in me, ejaculated inside me, and I am his mother. That should not happen. I decided that I would ignore it. I would say nothing. I would behave as if it hadn’t happened. What else could I do? I certainly could not go into a sexual relationship with my son.
