Are you done with dating?
Are you just fed up?!
Why can’t you catch a break?
You’re doing all the right things and things your female friends have told you.
Maybe you’re feeling frustrated because you can’t seem to get a girlfriend.
Whatever your motivation, you’re in luck because, in this article, I want to explore and break down all the reasons why some guys are more successful with women than others and why you might be struggling to find your dream girl.
Being a Gentleman is shit advice.
When I was about 13–14 years old, I started to really like girls. My mum would give me the old cliched advice.
“Just be a gentleman.”
“Be nice.”
“Open doors for her.”
“buy flowers”
“buy the meal.”
“never let her pay for anything.”
But unfortunately, this approach didn’t always work for me, especially as a teenager. I got buried by these women.
I was called soft and too nice, corny, “a try hard,” and walked over. It was always great to do them favors and be called, “Trey, you’re such a nice guy.”
But it wasn’t really a major attraction trigger.
Meanwhile, the guys who called these women
“Hoes”
“Easy”
“S**t”
“W**re*
“Great in bed.”
And other names in the locker room, I don’t dare to re-type, seemed to get all the women.
As I got into my late teens, I realized that there was more to attraction than just being a gentleman and that treating every woman like a princess wasn’t enough, not even close.
I discovered through trial and error and common sense that men have certain instincts to provide and protect, but these instincts need to be deeper than what you’re biologically wired to do. Just as a blacksmith hones steel into a mighty sword, a man’s instinct to provide and protect must be forged with more than the flames of biology; it must be tempered with the artistry of conscious intent and moral fortitude.
Of course, my mum gave me that advice. It was based on the damn ’60s!
The approach of “just be a gentleman” or “be nice” towards women does not always work because it is based on outdated and sexist gender roles. It assumes that women are delicate little creatures in need of protection and that men must be the ones to provide for them. From an early age, without even knowing it, this puts pressure on men to fulfill certain expectations and roles that may not align with their true personalities and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Telling men to “be nice” to women is like telling a chef to “just add salt” to a dish. It’s a simplistic solution that ignores the complexity of what makes an incredible dish.
The brutal reality is most women don’t like pushovers or men who are not assertive enough; it’s very much an unattractive ick to some women. Women are not and have never been some rigged monolithic group and will always have diverse preferences and personalities, so assuming that all women will respond positively to a certain type of behavior is misguided, myopic, and a little dangerous.
This approach can lead to unequal power dynamics in relationships, which means it’s doomed from the start. By always paying for everything and insisting on carrying bags, men can unintentionally reinforce gender stereotypes and perpetuate the idea that women cannot take care of themselves. This can make some women feel infantilized and dependent on their male partners.
let me be vehementley clear, you can do these things as a show of love and respect and wanting to do something for your GIRLFRIEND. But not someone you barely know, so she’ll like you; just take it easy and focus on getting to know her first. Putting a woman who you know nothing about on a pedestal is dumb. Treating a woman you’re unfamiliar with like a queen is like giving a standing ovation to a movie trailer — everyone in the movieplex will look at you like you’ve gone bananas.
Being a gentleman is a great thing! But that should only be 10% of what you bring to the initial equation.
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.” — Nicholas Sparks
Focus on Unique Pairings in Relationships
One amazing quality you have that can make you attractive is something called “unique pairing,” which makes someone you are attracted to a positive addiction, not just an attraction.
If you create a unique pairing, you will be very difficult to replace.
The more unique pairings you have, the more you become a finite person in the dating world, where there is only a small portion, if any, of people like you around.
A “unique pairing” is when you find someone with a quality that complements your own but challenges you in some way
