When a plate slips from our hands and shatters on the floor, most of us don’t think twice: we sweep up the pieces and throw them away.
In Japan, however, rather than disregarding the broken piece of pottery as ruined, people put it back together and consider it more beautiful for having been broken.
It’s a Japanese art form that’s called “Kintsugi”.
In today’s society, where we so easily throw everything away — whether it is objects, plans, or people — this Japanese art is a revolutionary way of looking at things and a great example of how we should approach our relationships: with a mindset that values resilience, repair, and the beauty found in our imperfections.
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Perfection Is Overrated
You’re sipping your morning tea, cradling your favorite porcelain teacup, when suddenly, it slips from your fingers and crashes to the floor.
Your heart sinks as you see the once-perfect vessel shattered into countless fragments.
In the conventional narrative of perfection, this might be seen as a tragedy, a loss to be mourned.
But Kintsugi offers a different perspective — one that encourages us to embrace imperfection, both in ourselves and in our relationships.
Instead of trying to hide cracks or pretending they don’t exist, Kintsugi artisans fill them with gold, making a broken piece even more striking than before. It’s a metaphor for life and love: your flaws and scars don’t diminish your value.
We’re all a little bit broken, a little bit flawed. But rather than trying to hide your imperfections or pretending they don’t exist, why not embrace them? Just like in Kintsugi, where the cracks are filled with gold, your imperfections can become sources of strength and beauty.
Τhe quirks that make you uniquely you, the scars that tell stories of resilience and growth — they’re all part of what makes you special. And the same goes for your partner. It’s those little quirks, those rough edges, that make your relationship one-of-a-kind.
So, the next time you find yourself fixating on flaws — whether they’re yours or your partner’s — take a cue from Kintsugi. Embrace imperfection as a natural part of the human experience.
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Fix > Replace
My mother always tells me that when she was young, people fought more to make their relationships work.
Back then, when conflicts arose, people didn’t rush to the exit at the first sign of trouble.
Now, it’s the other way around.
Fighting to fix your relationship is the exception; when the initial sparks start fading away and the early bliss dies out we prefer to end things and browse for our next fling on the newest dating app.
It’s as if we’ve lost touch with the art of commitment, trading in the hard work of repairing and strengthening our relationships for the fleeting promise of something new.
It’s kind of sad when you think about it, isn’t it? We’ve become so accustomed to instant gratification and disposable everything that we’ve forgotten the beauty of sticking it out and fixing what’s broken.
If there’s something Kintsugi can tell you is just as fractured pottery can be turned into something even more beautiful, so too can we transform our relationships through dedication and effort.
After all, there’s something truly special about standing by someone’s side through thick and thin, about choosing to mend what’s broken rather than simply walking away.
The most beautiful connections are often the ones that have weathered storms and come out the other side, shining brighter than ever.
Α “perfect” relationship consists of two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
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Don’t Keep Your Cracks Under Wraps
When we first start dating someone new, most of us want to appear perfect and tend to hide our broken parts, because we think they will make us seem weak or inadequate.
Sometimes, that continues well into a long-term relationship.
I can relate to this firsthand.
I grew up in a toxic environment that left me carrying a lot of unresolved trauma into adulthood — something I made sure to hide from everyone, for a very long time. I was terrified of being judged or rejected if anyone knew the truth about my past, so I buried those painful memories deep inside and put on a brave face for the world to see.
But hiding your brokenness only perpetuates the cycle of shame and isolation. It’s only when you dare to acknowledge and confront your wounds that you can begin to heal and find true connection with others.
It’s a bit like the broken pieces of pottery in Kintsugi.
Repairing a broken plate or bowl with golden filling makes the piece more beautiful, and is a way of showing that the piece has a valuable history. And that’s exactly how I should view my broken pieces: as something that reflects my unique journey and my ability to grow and heal.
There’s one quote by Keanu Reeves that goes,
“Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. Be thankful for the hard times, they can only make you stronger.”
Rather than hiding your scars from your partner, you should own them and be thankful for the lessons they taught you. They’re part of what makes you who you are, and the right person will want to know all of you.
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Transforming broken things into works of beauty is something we should all use as an example when it comes to the way we approach our relationships.
In today’s throwaway culture, when something is broken we are encouraged to throw it away, instead of taking the time to fix it. We think that almost anything can be replaced with something newer, or better, and that includes our relationships.
Kintsugi challenges us to change our way of thinking and teaches us the following powerful lessons:
- Perfection is overrated. There’s beauty in scars and flaws. Everyone is imperfect, including ourselves, and that’s something we should accept and embrace as part of the human experience. At the end of the day, it’s all about finding our perfectly imperfect match.
- Taking the easy way out and breaking up every time you hit a rough patch in your relationship is easy. But choosing to mend what’s broken is what will make your relationship stronger. You can’t expect things to be always easy. It takes a lot of work, patience, and effort to build and sustain a successful relationship.
- There’s no reason to hide your broken parts, scars, and emotional wounds from anyone out of fear they will make you look not good enough. Your scars are what make you unique, reflecting your individual journey and your ability to grow and heal — and the right person will love you for them.
