Lately, I’ve been on a daytime TV kick. I watched a little Wendy Williams (duh) after the documentary, then decided to turn my attention to Cheaters. Ah, what quality trash TV!
Cheaters is a juicy show that follows people who discover that they’ve been cheated on. Brawls ensue, people get embarrassed, and then everything goes crazy while a narrator explains everything that happens.
As I watched the different couples bicker, it dawned on me. There are different types of cheaters. Some are full red flags. Others, not so much. Because I’m bored, I made a list of them.
The Cake Eater
Did you ever meet someone who had a perfectly happy relationship, but just wasn’t happy with that? This is a person who doesn’t seem happy unless they have a main piece and a sidepiece…or six.
These are Cake Eaters: they want their cake and they want to eat it too.
A lot of Cake Eaters don’t watch much porn. They just have a high sex drive, a flirty nature, and a desire to get as much lovin’ in as possible. Oddly enough, Cake Eaters can be good partners…to people who are on the same wavelength.
Most Cake Eaters are non-monogamous by nature, but don’t quite have the self-control, emotional maturity, and ability to come out and say it. In another life, they’d be amazing bulls, hotwives, swingers, or queanbulls.
Unfortunately, they haven’t actually realized that they are pursuing monogamous people who will leave the moment they try to get their needs met. Or, maybe they do.
Either way, it’s a sign they need to grow up or be honest about their needs. They very likely care about their partners and do well by them, but they do have that issue that makes them incompatible with monogamy.
The Porn/Sex Addict
As someone who’s interviewed tons of porn stars and has written at length about adult films, I can tell you that porn use does affect people when you consume it too much.
Porn addicts are a lot like drug addicts. They don’t care who they hurt, what they do, or who they do it to. They’re looking for a dopamine rush. They often don’t care with who they have sex with and may even burn a hole in their wallets to do so.
Most porn addicts and sex addicts I’ve met run bills up into the hundreds, or even thousands, because they want more access to sex partners. They do this for the validation and for the biochemical rush they have.
In rare cases, they may actually make their own porn — with or without the person’s knowledge. More often than not, they have a multitude of online apps dedicated to dating, porn, OnlyFans, and more.
The Exit Cheater
Did you ever have a relationship that was so awful, you wanted to hurt that person as you left? Some of us have — and if you got to that point, you know what that’s like.
Or maybe, the person wouldn’t “let” you leave unless you cheated. Or perhaps you had a unique situation where you needed an escape plan and place to stay that just so happened to come with a person who you connected with.
This is the saga of the Exit Cheater. Exit Cheaters are often sad, neglected, abused, or the victims of being cheated on themselves. They have all but checked out of their relationship and they are looking to “monkey branch” to the next.
Exit Cheaters are a hit-or-miss. If they have a track record of cheating to get to the next partner, you can bet your ass they’ll do that to you. That means this is a pattern — and they’ll paint you to be the bad guy.
On the other hand, if the Exit Cheater was in an egregiously bad relationship (abuse, extreme neglect), they might actually be a loyal partner in normal situations. Still, you may want to approach with caution.
The Insecure One
One of the most common reasons why people cheat is opportunity and a yearning to know “if they still got it.” That’s right — cheating is a matter of insecurity for many men and women.
Dating an excessively insecure person can be a lot like dating a ticking timebomb. Insecure people have a very hard time telling someone “no,” especially when that person is feeding their egos.
Insecure ones are serial cheaters who often end up with sex addictions. You can’t help them; they are literally doing this to prove to themselves that they’re attractive. Nothing you can say or do will reassure them otherwise.
The Insecure Ones are also the men that tend to self-sabotage the most. They tend to be “Woman Collectors” and they hate women who treat them well. To them, it emasculates them and angers them.
An Insecure One cheating on you is not your fault. They are literally trying to patch up an emotional trauma or wound they have. This does not excuse them, nor does this mean you should play Florence Nightingale.
Insecure cheaters also tend to be abusive, prone to lying, and also fraught with personality disorders. Few people are as big a walking red flag as an Insecure One who cheats.
The worst combination is an Insecure One who also is a Porn Addict. At that point, you might as well run screaming out the door.
The Rebel
A close link to the Exit Cheater and the Insecure One is the Rebel. Rebels are people who did exactly what everyone told them they were supposed to do, even when it came to marrying a person they weren’t into.
At first glance, Rebels are “the Good Girl” or “the Good Boy” who did everything right. Underneath the surface is someone who never felt they had the chance to be themselves and take a walk on the wild side.
They never partied, so they end up partying wild in their 20s, 30s, and even 50s. They never dressed wild, so they pursue wild child types. They upend the homes they built with the partners they view as their jailers because they want to live for themselves for the first time ever.
The Rebel often resents their married spouse because they start to represent all the restrictions people pushed on them in life. This may not be the fault of their spouse 100 percent of the time.
Spouses of a Rebel are often blindsided with divorce papers, an explanation about “finding oneself,” and a sudden disappearance of the partner they once knew. Some liken it to a mid-life crisis or a teenage rebellion.
Rebels can be good partners once they actually start to live their authentic lives. Unfortunately, they also tend to “trainwreck” and become a nightmare to deal with.
The “Lack At Home” Cheater
Most people have met a person who had a perfect relationship aside from the bedroom issue. Unlike Cake Eaters, who get laid by their partners regularly, the “Lack At Home” Cheater is in a dead, dead bedroom.
These people might not actually want to divorce their spouses, unlike Exit Cheaters. They do want to stay married and they often do care for their partners — but the bedroom issue gets to be too much for some to bear.
After multiple attempts to discuss it, the “Lack At Home” Cheater realizes their partner is not going to change. So, they are faced with a choice: divorce or cheat.
They chose to cheat.
Does this make things right? No, but at times, they may view it as a last-ditch effort to get their self-esteem high enough to maybe turn things around with their disinterested spouse.
“Lack At Homes” generally don’t cheat as long as they’re sexually satisfied. However, it can quickly go downhill and become a situation where they become the Insecure One or a Porn Addict.
The User
Oof. This is one cheater type that is always a red flag. Users never loved their partners, ever. Not even when they first got together. Users were there for money, shelter, fame, or prestige.
Their partners? They were just something to tolerate while they plundered everything. Users will often line a new, more wealthy/young partner up when they decided they extracted everything they could from their original partner.
That’s when the cheating starts. Users never love anyone they were with. They just love what they do for them. They are most likely con-artists.
The Revenge Cheater
The phrase “an eye for an eye” is law with this type of cheater. Some people only cheat on their partners as a way of getting back at them for cheating on them.
They were faithful and did everything by the book. They tried to be a doting wife or husband, then caught their spouse cheating. This is when they decide that gloves are off.
Revenge Cheaters are the people who want to hurt their spouse and give them a taste of their own medicine. Whether or not they want a divorce can be up for debate. Some do, some don’t.
But if we’re going to be real? Hell hath no fury like a Revenge Cheater scorned. Expect a very petty, fierce divorce if you cross one of them who decides to serve you papers.
